Transference

"Transference occurs when a person takes the perceptions and expectations of one person and projects them onto another person. They interact with the other person as if the other person is that transferred pattern.

In the way we tend to become the person that others assume we are, the person who has patterns transferred onto them may collaborate and play the game, especially if the transference gives them power or makes them feel good in some way.

Typically, the pattern projected onto the other person comes from a childhood relationship. This may be from an actual person, such as parent, or idealized figure or prototype. This transfers both power and also expectation. If you treat me as a parent, I can tell you what to do, but you will also expect me to love and care for you. This can have both positive and negative outcomes" (ChangingMinds.org).

"Extreme forms of transference can turn into full-blown obsession if not dealt with. Transference meltdowns can result in accidents, dangerous choices, nightmares, fantasies, stalking someone, psychotic reaction, and sometimes violence" (Transference: Are you a biological time machine? Michael G. Conner Psy.D.)

This is an incredibly challenging area of relationships. We need the grace to take back the transference and to submit it to Christ and possibly to others depending on the nature and intensity of the feelings and expectations. This is very bold indeed, but very wise and useful for building up the body of Christ instead of tearing it down...This is indeed a labor of love and will be rewarded!